Sunday, August 24, 2014

Writing Through the Bad Stuff

Writers are known to be a tortured lot.  And I'm no exception.  I've got Epilepsy, had a life-threatening Melanoma, had a really bad, abusive relationship which I got out of and then I spent 15 years working on figuring myself out and trying to make my way back to getting back into my happy state of mind.

This made me a work in progress... and like anyone who's had their life turned around on them, through no fault of their own, this takes a lot of time.  This takes a lot of 'me' time.

It wasn't a lot of fun, but working on my own life has been great.  I have learned a lot about myself, my limits and how I improved myself through knowing what I wanted when I wanted it.

And now I'm at my happiest, I'm going to write about the worse part of my life.  Over the last few years I've tried to write about it, and failed each time.  However, I've bought a notebook, sat down and let myself just write down exactly what happened during those 9 months when my life was turned around on me.

I nearly lost everything in just under a year - my possessions, my integrity, identity, myself - everything was slowly being eaten away by an abusive man who thought it was his duty to make me submissive when I wasn't the submissive type.  Now I'm stronger in my self, my mind and in every other aspect of my life, I know I can write the story about my life then without it destroying me.  Besides, if I don't, it'll be there waiting for me in another 15 years for me to write it.

Writing through, and about, the bad shit in your life is almost a type of therapy.  It gets the crap that was once in your life out of the way, and makes you a better person.  It helps you realise that, yes, you made mistakes, things happened to you, but the past is there to show what you did that have turned into life lessons for you.
And this is how I view my past:  if I made mistakes in my past, they are lessons to show myself what not to do now.  However, if I make those mistakes again, it's because I've made them as choices instead.  So, when I see this happening, I have stopped myself before saying or doing anything that might end up being a mistake - again.  

So, what have you been working on lately where you've learned to let go of your past and allowed your future to evolve?  Mine isn't a great past, but I'm letting it go... after all, what can I do about it?  Not much.  Until my next post, happy reading.

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